Until 2011

I have consciously decided that this will be my last post of 2010 since I have some rather big news to share. I really want to leave you with this one piece of information so it was my last contribution to the internet of this year.

This is a little out of character for me and honestly, it's the first (and hopefully only) time that I will be in this situation. Take a deep breath and get ready for it. I (wait for it) am asking (wait for it) Kate (really wait for it) to move (wait for it) in with me. Phewwww. Were ya expecting that one? It's going down on New Year's Eve and I feel confident posting this since I made her promise to take a week off reading my blog. Told her it involved a present and she believed me.

Well, you will get my next post in 2011. Prepare yourselves. Happy New Year to all the friends, fam, and readers that follow. Oh, and Happy New Year B. Gates. I hope you make even more money next year and actually find me to give me that handout. I'll need it if Kate moves in. I only own one pan.

Already Got One

Oh, I forgot to tell you... got a promotion at the bar. Thank you Bill! Bill B. that is not Bill Gates. Bill B. is the manager at the bar and recently gave me several night shifts in addition to other days shifts. So far it's a nice balance between days and nights. Balance in my life. Never thought I would actually say I had it. Beer I always had, but not necessarily balance.

So, more work talk. I told you a lot of people where home visiting for the holidays. It seems that everyone I went to high school with that left is now back here and sitting at my bar. Yes, I said my bar. I may not own the thing, but when I am bartending it is my bar.

Really weird to see some of these faces from the past. I will admit some have aged better than others. Much better than others. Actually, some of these people may be spending more time at their local bars that out in daylight. The pale factor made me feel like I was in one of those vampire movies. Pass. This is not Forks and I am not looking for a love. I already have one.

Christmas High

Christmas Eve rocked. And, believe it or not, Christmas was even better. Actually, every single day since Christmas has been amazing. Calm, but amazing. Actually, crazy yet amazing. Well, not calm, not crazy... just perfect.

So, needless to say, things are going well with Kate. Between work and Kate life has been turning better and better. Tons of people were in town for the holidays to visit family, so business has been insane. Bar business, not me making burgers business if you were wondering. I am really looking forward to New Year's Eve (yep, I am not working) since I can be with Kate. First Christmas, first New Year's Eve, first whatever. Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. Is it getting annoying that I am talking about her so much yet?

Did I mention everything is going well with Kate? Taking a huge pause on the realizations and the looking out for Gates and my handout. Gates may have more than I do, but I have never been happier in my life. I mean the rain could let up. Otherwise, everything is just perfect.

Yes, I am still wearing the scarf and loving every minute of it. K A T E!!!

Nailed It!

Nailed it! Thanks Bill Gates for never finding me and giving me a hand out I did nothing for! She LOVED the picture. She walked around and showed every single entire family member the picture and then also told them about the night the picture was taken.

Ugh, I was so freaking nervous for nothing. Her family was so chill and amazing. The dinner was awesome and I can not believe what amazing cooks her Mom and Dad are. Together they made this incredible meat lasagna, garlic bread, salad, and every single Christmas cookie imaginable.

So, I guess you are wondering what she got me. A scarf! Simple, right?! The scarf was actually a reference from the very same exact night I had our friend take that picture of us. We left the bar and took a walk and it was SO COLD! For some reason we started talking about how great it would be have a scarf at that very moment. She got me a scarf and a card that referenced that conversation.

Great night. Absolutely a great night. I think this relationship might be going somewhere. If it is, I can only hope I don't screw it up somehow. She is amazing and if she is reading this... Kate, thanks for a great Christmas Eve.

And There is More

Um... remember how I said that my new lady friend invited me to Christmas Day with her family? (If not, you are a little behind and should of read my last blog!) Well, now this holiday family event is also including Christmas Eve. This is good and well, fairly bad for several reasons. Two main reasons actually.

Reason #1: Still no hand out from Gates and surprisingly no Christmas bonus from the bar. All of this means that my present is not exactly... expensive. I had a friend take a picture of us at the bar a few days ago and I printed it and framed it.

Reason #2: The original plan was to exchange gifts on our own and not in front of her family that I have never met. Now, I have to bring my framed picture of us and give it to her in front of her entire family during this gift exchange session. What if she spent a lot of money on me? Do hand made gifts still seem cool after you leave elementary school?

My stomach is turning. Why am I so nervous? I hope her family is cool.

8 Days Till Christmas

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... a be-ee-er, and it was free. What's up readers and friends?

The holidays are finally here and thankfully, I am in the holiday spirit this year. I decided to put all hopes aside that Bill Gates was going to somehow find me and give me a hand out. Instead I decided to focus on reality (which can be harder than you think) and make this Christmas season the best I have ever had.

Did I mention I met a girl? No, not Scarlett, but hot in her own right. I think the Christmas present I get her will be key to our future relationship. I can only hope the bar givea us some kind of Christmas bonus. The "official" Christmas party is tomorrow so I will keep you updated. I wonder if Gates hands out bonuses. He must.

Anyway, I am trying to figure out this big question. She invited me to her parent's house for Christmas. We have only been dating for two weeks (yeah, now you understand why I haven't made a post lately) and I wondering if it is too early to meet the ENTIRE family. As much as I question it, I think I will be in attendance anyway. Well, I will update you soon.

Burnt Burgers

Remember when I said I would be a horrible chef? Well, I was right. The bar's cook called in sick at the last minute and they asked me to help in the kitchen. Ah... what do they not get about me hating to cook?

I would of have been happier at the bar waiting for Bill Gates wanna-bes to tip me $2 on their $4 beers, but no. (Maybe even the occasion $5 tip out of pity.) I was stuck in the kitchen flipping burgers, burning bacon, and turning rolls back and chard. I would send burgers out and within one minute they were sent right back. Half way through my shift I actually started to get the hang of all the cooking. It might not have been perfect, but it was much better than when I started.

It's 7pm and I as so happy to be home and honestly, I could go to bed right this minute. I am exhausted. Well, I might have to have a beer (or two) before I call it a night. I mean, I am not really that tired. The cooking thing should never happen again. It must never happen again.

Time for the Office

Well, I am about to go into the office (I mean the bar!) in a few hours. It is so cold outside it looks like I might freeze the minute I open the door. You know what I want... one of those cars that you can turn on from your house with the remote control. Then I could start the car, let it heat up, and just run really fast to the warmth. Sounds good to me.

I wonder what winter is like for those people (including Gates) up in the Northwest? Snow, icicles, brrrr. I guess that would be one season I would hate to live up there. I think 50 is freezing. Maybe that will be the new drink I make at the bar... BELOW 50.

On to the serious. Have you guys heard of Astrobiology? (No, it is not a word that I just made up.) Supposedly, NASA is suppose to reveal some kind of findings on life in outerspace. That is freaking amazing! I can't wait to hear about this! Can you imagine if there is really life out there. It is so exciting yet so scary at the same time.

A Shocking Burrito

I just grabbed a chicken burrito from my favorite local Mexican diner and ran into one of my buddies I haven't see in a while. The guy was married with a 4 month old daughter! Man, that was a shocker. I mean, this guy did not seem like the marrying type, but there he was ordering a bunch of greasy absolutely delicious food for himself and his family. Oh, I guess maybe just his wife. Four months olds still just do the bottle, right?

Anyways, I was really surprised. It made me feel old and well extremely unproductive. I am thankful I have a job, but I can't stay at this bar forever. I think I need to get things moving and keep searching for something more "office" than "bar." Then again, maybe I am just going to take a non-traditional life path. Is there really even a normal life path anymore? I mean we can't all be multi-billionaires with a beautiful wife and happy kids. Can we? I don't even know what it is I want anymore. I guess it's time to go back to the drawing board and start to really figure this whole thing out. Maybe I don't need to change my job I just need to change my perspective.

Not As Planned

Remember how I said I was going to be cheery and optimistic for the next couple of days? Well, that didn't happen. I got the flu, had a 103 temp and got stuck in the urgent care Thanksgiving night with all the other individuals that currently pay a high monthly premium for horrible insurance coverage.

I mean really, why am I paying almost $150 a month to get this type of coverage? It's all about how much money you make. I bet you Bill Gates has a doctor on call and never would even think of stepping foot in some low-grade urgent care.

My frustration levels had doubled. In addition to the "poor man's" treatment, I ended up taking a cab back home because I was too feverish to drive. I ended up back at home with no one there to take care of me. No wife or girlfriend, no friend, and absolutely no maids or butlers to cater to my every need. If I ever make even a fraction of the amount of money Gates does the first thing I will do is hire a butler. If I don't find a wife I am going to need the support of another human being. Ugh.

Ohm

Just kidding! I told you no meditating. ;) So, ugh... things have kinda been lack luster lately. For the last several years, holidays tend to get me down for one reason and one reason only. Money. Look, don't get me wrong, I try my best to be thankful and give as much as possible. I just hate that I never seem to have enough money to do what I truly want to.

Get it, not Bill Gates. Yet, would it kill one of my employers to give me a holiday bonus? I mean I can barely afford to make ends meet and now I am suppose to come up with money for gifts for my friends and family. Do you know how depressing it is to buy your friend a beer when you really wanted to get them tickets to a home game divisional championship? Or better yet, maybe even just a jersey from their favorite team. The ability not to be able to give makes me depressed and therefore the holidays tend to drive me nuts.

Alright, I have heard that my posts can get a bit dreary so I will try and pick it up a bit. I will make a positive post everyday from now until Thanksgiving just to prove my point. Be prepared for me. Me, thankful.

Anxious for More?

Alright, can you honestly believe that my friend rented a limo for Halloween. It took me this long to be able to even try to tell you about that night. It was amazing! I felt like a millionaire or actually more like a more wealthy than Bill Gates quad-zillionare.

We went everywhere and saw just about everyone we knew. (And, looked really good doing it.) The party was indescribable, the costumes were unforgettable, and I am ready to burn these memories in my brain as one of the best nights of my life. BURNT!

Needless to say, the next day (after the hangover vanished) I was trying to focus and get back into the swing of normal life. Afternoon shifts, saving money, and well... I guess waiting for the unexpected. So far, the unexpected has proven to be extremely amazing. Yes, I am ready for more.

I had to pause on the realizations to stop and spend time enjoying life. Do not hate me, just understand that sometimes life happens while you are waiting to understand why it is happening. Now, I am just getting too deep. ;) Let's not start meditating, but let's start enjoying every moment.

Long, Dark, and Full of Candy

Yeah, that wasn't his car. Can you tell I am getting anxious. I can't sit still and wait so I am typing away till this guy gets here.

When I thought I heard the car I opened the door and a limo went by. (Maybe Scarlett is looking for me.) The other thing I noticed... there are a lot of kids in this neighborhood. I am totally a jerk. I am assuming my place is the one with no lights on that kids have to pass by in order to get to my cool neighbors that decorate their front yard, play creepy music, and actually hand out full size candy bars instead of the mini versions.

That's it... next year I am getting some decorations and leaving that bowl of candy. No, I am not staying home. I need to see the ladies in those costumes and I don't feel bad enough to miss out on that. I just heard another car and... nope not him. You know the more I think about it, the more I don't like this guy. He better show up before I completely decide I hate him. It won't take that long I can tell ya for sure. The limo just parked. Oh man, it's my friend. He rented a limo. BYE!

Late, As Always

Alright... he is late. Patience is not one of my best traits. I absolutely HATE to wait for people especially when I am about to go out or have an amazing night. This guy is always late, I should have known. I should of gone to pick him up. Never mind, I would not want to be the designated driver on Halloween. That would destroy it. Wait... we should of hired a driver. I bet you Bill Gates has a driver. Man, I need to start thinking more like Gates.

I realized when I opened my door to look outside that I have never purchased Halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters. Is that normal? Do most guys my age purchase candy and stay home passing it out? I have never been that guy. Maybe that's something you do when you are married, about to have kids, or of course have kids.

I honestly can't believe I have never invested in a bag of candy. Am I a jerk? Well, maybe next year I can leave a bowl out or something. Yeah, I will leave a bowl out. Just heard a car pull up. Time to party.

Little Gray in the Hair

Well, before I even start, HAPPY HALLOWEEN everyone! If I had to choose one of my favorite holidays of the year it would be Halloween. Contrary to what you may think it is not just because of how the ladies dress up. I mean I do love that, but that is not the only reason why. :)

Every year I try to top my last costume. It was Captain Morgan last year and champagne rep the year before . This year I dressed like the Most Interesting Man in the World. (Are you catching the theme of my characters here?!) Halloween is the most amazing day of the year. Every seems to really live it up on Halloween no matter what their age. It is almost the perfect holiday. Yet, I can't go to Bill Gates house and scream trick-or-treat for a monetary handout. I guess you can't ask for everything.

Let's see here... it is about 5pm and my buddy will be showing up to pick me up shortly. I guess it is time to throw a little gray in my hair and get the suit on. A good night to you everyone. May your Halloween be filled with many tricks and even more treats.

Browns Shock

Alright, let's be honest. I know that Gates is not giving me a handout. I know that I finally scored a job and it at least pays the bills. I know that I might not be lucky enough to find a girlfriend, never mind one that looks like Scarlett. You want to know what I don't know? (Yes, I realize there are many things) I would have never guessed that the Browns were going to win this week.

Football fans (other than Browns fans) please chime in here. Who would have seen this coming? I would have never thought, never mind considered, that this would be a possibility. Let's put it this way... in all 14 games this week if I have to pick one 100% win I would have opted for the Saints over the Browns. I can't imagine that I was alone in this.

Shocked. I am nothing, but shocked. I have spent the last several months coming to several realizations and working on improving my life. I have faced hard times and I have been forced to switch directions in my personal and social life. All these changes did not shock me as much as this win. Looking forward to next Sunday.

Scratch It Harder

After my shift (and three Billies) I started to leave the bar and head home. I made a pit stop at my local liquor store to replenish my dwindling beer stock at home and honestly, could not believe what I was seeing.

There was this older gentleman that looked to be in his 70s. He had brown polyester pants that crept up above his waist line and a light mustard colored shirt that was neatly tucked inside the pants. His hair was all salt (probably no pepper for years) and it was neatly combed over his scalp from the right to the left. He made his way up to the counter before I managed to make my way up there. He purchased six $1 lottery tickets and went over to the other side of the counter to begin scratching. And, when I say scratching I mean a wild fast approach to scratch tickets. He had a nickel out and the first one was scratched before I could even realize what he was doing. By the time I had paid for my beer, all six were scratched and he was standing behind me to redeem what he had won only to use his winnings to purchase more tickets.

Now, this guy was definitely not looking for a hand out from Gates. This guy was going to gamble, collect his winnings, and reinvest. I wanted to stay and continue to watch the process. How long would his luck last? The cold beer in my hand seemed to sound more entertaining though and I drove back home.

Miss Me

Guess where I have been. Go ahead and guess. I have been far away from my computer because I have been working. Are you in shock? I still am. About 8 days ago I landed a job that involves one of my most favorite things. Alcohol and burgers. Yep, that's right, I am a bartender at our local burger joint.

One might think that I would be over qualified for this position, but in all actuality I am not. Apparently, if you have never been a bartender you end up with a variety of day shifts and you are forced to work your way up to nights. Odd right?! (Yes, it is in case you were too afraid to answer). So no, I am not making Bill Gates' salary, but it is definitely better than not making any money at all.

My favorite drink to make is one that I came up with by myself. It's called the Billie. (Guess why?) And, wait for it... it's a beer with a shot of whiskey. Only a matter of time before I am on those night shifts. Honestly, I would much rather keep the day shifts. Keep my nights for myself and some "Billies."

Yeah, I Am Not Done

Lobster. Filet Mignon. Pizza. Alright, I know the third may not be as exciting, but I am not over this personal chef thing. Can you imagine the possibilities?

Dishes you have never experienced before and food combinations that you never knew existed would be at your disposal. Anytime, anywhere, anyhow you want a meal you could have it. I can't believe it took me this long to thing of this perk. Nevermind, I can't believe that you thought I would only post one blog on this subject.

If Bill Gates does not have a personal chef I would love to ask him why. He is not giving me a handout so I am sure he as that extra room in his budget for a luxury like this. You know what, I think I would learn to cook every dish known to man if Gates would hire me as his chef.

Time to stop with the food for a second. I have news that I forgot to tell you in the last post. One, I met a girl. Two, I had an interview. I am going to make you wait for details. Seriously, I am spending the rest of the night working on my visualizations.

The Plate Issue

You know what else I would be awful as... a chef. (These really aren't that hard to come up with.) My idea of a home cooked meal is something that is delivered to my front door that I can put on one of my three plates. If it is on your own plate that is kind of like a home cooked meal. I am serious! You know what transfers from a take-out container to a plate easily? Chinese food. Yeah, you can always make it look perfect! A scoop of rice, some orange chicken (spicy of course), and a egg roll on the side.

Bill Gates probably has a chef that lives in his house. I know I would if I had that kind of money. You would never have to worry about destroying dinner or forgetting to shop for breakfast food. I bet a professional Chef would take care of everything. Can you imagine? A refrigerator that was always full and every meal that you desire made at a moment's notice.

I might be a horrible chef, but once I make money I would hire one in a second. Fresh eggs, bacon, and toast every morning. Yeah, that's it. All that on my way to the office. I guess it might be time to visualize again.

Positive Thoughts and Beer

I would make a horrible weather man. No build up to that statement and I really don't think I need to provide an explanation either. If you read my blog, you know I would not make a good weather man. Simple.

Well, it's Monday and that can only mean one thing... MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! Oh football, my first love. Today was pretty slow for me. (Shocker!) This morning I was going through this process where I picture myself already landing a job, making good money, and visualizing that it all already happened. This practice is good in theory, but I tend to drift off with random thoughts instead of focusing on my positive thoughts. For example, I tried to sit down and do this exercise early today and you know what happened... I started thinking about Bill Gates. I wonder if Bill Gates enjoys the NFL? I wonder if he sits down with a beer and watches play by play? Will the Bears win?

I think I need to work a little more on this visualization theory. Maybe if I can focus my Mondays will start to be really busy again. Back to the game and welcome in week 4.

Seriously!!!

Alright, I have come to term with the fact that what ever job I land will be positive. Yet, I am also extremely aware (thank you Bill Gates) that I will not be making hundreds of thousands of dollars. (No huge house on a remote lake for me this month.) This point has lead me to really think about what positions I am qualified for and what positions I would really be willing to take.

Hmmm... the one thing I came up with is I definitely would never want to be the guy responsible for the functionality of a web site. Que the Chase bank issue last week. How would you like to be the guy in a cubicle somewhere sipping on a cup of coffee when a panicked supervisor runs in and starts screaming at 8:30 in the morning. "The site... it's DOWN" screams the enraged supervisor! (At least that is how I imagined it happening.) PASS!!! Really, who in the world would want the kind of responsibility on their shoulders to fix an entire web site and all of its functions before hundreds of thousands people begin to realize they can't review how much money they spent the day before.

I would be glad to take on something a little more "simple".

Second Down and Four To Go

Summer starts to fade away. Kids go back to school and we all receive a present that people around the country cherish. The return of the NFL. The National Football League. I can't help but to sit back and smile as I type those words. Can I even express how much I love this time of year? My favorite team is back, football starts, and more importantly fantasy football starts. Simple realization, but fantasy football is the closest I will ever get to being on a professional football team. I guess that is unless I actually meet Bill Gates, he purchases a football team, and somehow I make it as a kicker. Maybe he would even finally bring a team back to Los Angeles. Wow, I am full of lofty dreams this morning!

Can you for just one second, imagine making $20 million dollars a year (or more!) for playing football? Seriously, put the wings and beer down and think about it! Just ridiculous. Well, I am never making the salary of a professional football player, but I can tweak my line up to win the league this year. At least, I hope I can. Honestly, by the end of this season I better have a job. On or off the field.

Labor or UnLabor?

Well, Happy Labor Day friends, family, and people who have not hired me yet. I would enjoy this long weekend along with everyone else, but my life has turned into a several month vacation. And, I am not sure that I can celebrate laboring when I haven't exactly labored in a while.

This brings me to the simple realization that I don't have to celebrate every holiday. It's not like I didn't know this already, but now I am stating it out loud. I have forgone an Easter or a St. Patricks Day celebration along the way (mainly due to illness) so why can't I not celebrate Labor Day? Bill Gates won't pay me to celebrate, actually no one will pay me to do anything. As I am typing this I can tell I am slowly moving away from my motivated self and getting closer to my bathrobe wearing self. I am changing this weekend to Happy Un-Labor Day. Now, that is a holiday I can currently enjoy. I say celebrate this weekend how ever you want. Lets roast some brats, have way too many beers, and call our ex-girlfriends (Scarlett) and beg them to take us back. Happy Labor/Un-Labor Day to all!

Whatever...

After my last post, I just realized that it probably would of help to tell you that I did win a few dollars. I won't tell you exactly how much, but let's just say it was less than half of what I put in. Not exactly the results I was looking for, but whatever.

Obviously, this could be a lesson for us all. You would want to think that if you bought twenty tickets from one roll that you might have had a good chance at winning a substantial amount of money. Yet, I have just proved this not to be true. I tried to scratch each ticket with a new system. I tried scratching the winning number first. Then I tried the amount first. Regardless of what I tried, there were not many scratches that proved profitable. I wonder if Bill Gates has tried this theory out? Knowing his luck, each ticket might be a winner.

I know, no revelation here. I just wanted to further explain my scratch ticket adventure. Monday is gone and Tuesday is almost here. I hope something wonderful (meaning a potential interviewer) calls me back. Hello Tuesday! Alright, time to go to bed. Adios amigos!

Yet, Another Goodbye

I would never admit this to anyone other than the few readers that just started to follow my blog, but I do have a confession. On my tight (a.k.a. unemployed) budget, I just made a purchase that I probably should have not made. The purchase was (wait for it) something I should not have spend money on (can you handle it?) and something that actually pays off for very few people. That's right, I spent my last few dollars on scratch tickets.

Alright, go ahead and make fun of a me, but a guy likes to scratch a lottery ticket here and there. I went ahead and withdrew a $20 bill from my local ATM, walked over to my favorite gas station, and went for it. Just as a side note... I promised the owner of the gas station to bring back the ticket if I won. Man, I am just a philanthropic individual if I say so myself.

Needless to say, I am adding another revelation after my post-scratching adventure. I may never win the lottery. Yes, I am man enough to tell you that I might let that pipe dream go. Goodbye Bill, adios Scarlett, and Auf Wiedersehen lottery tickets.

33

No, that is not my age. Thirty-three is the number I am down to on my journey (or pathetic attempt) of self realization. I know it has been a few days since my last post and there is a reason for that. Unfortunately, I spent a few days of self-loathing after I didn’t get the last job I interview for. Don’t sound surprised!

I blocked any major “ah-ha” moments with my trusty six pack and handy bathrobe, which I have now dubbed my cape. Yesterday I finally had a friend come over, pull me out of my fortress of solitude and take me out to lunch. This friend (or lets say this current person I am forced to like even in my depression) is one of those people that made all the right decisions. He went to the right college, met the right people, spent the right amount of time at each business before moving on, found the right girl, the right house, the right salary… need I say more. This is exactly the type of friend you want to hang out with when you are also on the right path. In my situation, he was also the kind of friend that I wanted to hate since I am currently on no given path.

After a double cheeseburger with everything on it (including jalapenos) and a coke, I hit realization number 33… if he can do it so can I. Ugh, it pains me to say that, but I do have potential and the ability to rack in the dough even without the help of Bill Gates. I would of much rather focus on the cheesy meat instead of my future. Let’s just say, when he picked me up I hated him. When he dropped me off I was inspired. Thanks jerk. You better come pick me up for burgers next week just in case the robe somehow slips back on.

BLAH!!!

Alright, I have no revelation to share today. I actually just have one simple question… When did the interview process get so hard? I went for a second interview today at a company, which I will leave anonymous, only to be bombarded by six different interviewers. Yes, I said SIX!!!!!!

I know I have been out of the interview game for awhile, but when did an entire office jump in on the interview process? After starting with the hiring manager, I moved onto the department head, the administrative assistant, and several other people in the immediate area. Honestly, I could feel my face flushing as one introduced the next and left the room. I couldn’t help but wonder what they thought of me. Did they like me? Would I fit in here? It kind of felt like high school all over again.

You know what, I take that back. I do have a revelation for today. I will never be a recruiter. I have no idea how Bill Gates started a company and hired his first team. I just don’t have the heart to drag someone through countless interviews only to tell them sorry. Interviewer # 4 didn’t think you would fit in with the corporate culture. Blah.

Six Reasons to Smile!

After my post last week things have started to turn around. No, Bill Gates did not show up at my door step, but I finally took off the bathrobe and had a job interview. I didn’t exactly get the job, but at least I am headed in the right direction. During my diligent job search (thank you Craigslist) I have noticed that many companies are hiring “model types” to be servers or bartenders. Hmmm. Well, I am no George Clooney, so I don’t think I would get hire for one of the positions.

Maybe I could bartend at a local dive joint. I know how to make a car bomb and definitely can open a bottle of beer. Ah, beer. I think this eloquently carries into my next realization. The only six-pack I will ever have will be located in my fridge. As I said, I am not the chiseled model type. I am not overweight, but you are certainly not going to find any definition on my stomach except my bellybutton and I am OK with that. So, yes, I can learn not to spend time looking for model type work just as easy as I can tell Scarlett we are over. Finally, I am learning to accept me. Thirty four more to come. Be patient!

Only 35 More To Go

Well, it has been five months and I am still feeling the recession hanging over me like a wet towel. Although this new found freedom (a.k.a. unemployment) started me on a journey to face reality, I did fall into a small slump. Some might even call it a major depression. If you don’t know me and my depression is now making you depressed I have the name of a fabulous doctor I can share. In the meantime, why not listen to me some more?

Back to becoming self aware. Lets recap my first two “ah-ha” moments since it has been some time. One: Bill Gates and I will never meet under the green awning of a gas station and become buds. Two: Scarlett and I will never become buds or even more than buds at any point in my unemployed or even employed life. Now, these prior realizations (as great as they are) are now leading me to my next life changing fact.

Three: I may never be a CEO. Not to say that I am not shooting for the stars here. Basically, I have to start somewhere and believing that I am going the make the salary of a CEO straight from my bathrobe makes no sense. Sorry Fortune 500 companies. You may just have to wait and let me flourish and build my career. Maybe if I started my own company I could be a CEO or even a CFO by tomorrow. Okay, back to reality. You need a plan, an idea, a product. Thank you realization number 3 for bringing me back down. Maybe I should start with a managerial position.

Okay, on my first blog I promised 37 more. 37-2 = 35. Bear with me. This self actualization may take a little longer than I thought. Now to log out, take off the bathrobe, and find that job.

Never Going To Happen

They just said on the radio that the recession may, in fact, be over. Hmmm. A quick look at my post recession bank account seems to indicate otherwise.

Really there is nothing like this daily, post-recession checking account viewing to humble a person (me) and make them (me again) face the dim light of reality. But perhaps there's a silver lining. Perhaps this staring into the financial abyss every day, can yield immense spiritual and psychological rewards? Right?

One thing for sure, it really has helped me to rid myself of extraneous pipe dreams, and by default (on my loans I mean) to become a more realistic, honest-with-myself type of human being. Here's two things I now know are never going to happen. And with each of these just think how much more of an honest, sober and self aware human being I will become:

The gas station in Medina Washington where I will not pump gas

waiting for a new car or a friendly hand-out from Bill Gates

1. I will never become the lucky recipient of Bill Gates' benign altruism. Okay there, I said it. As ridiculous as it may seem, I've been holding onto this as a remote sort of plan B for years. You know the urban myth of the kindly gas station attendant whose friendly smile earns him the the generosity of a dying millionaire? Kid wakes up one morning to find himself the heir to a vast fortune? Okay... I'm taking a deep breath... here it goes, I'm going to say it:

It ain't gonna happen.

As bad as things have gotten, I'm not moving to Medina Washington to pump gas on the outside shot that my smile will win me Gates beneficence. In short: Bill Gates is dead to me. He's never going to make me an heir, he's never going to give a new car, he's never going to acknowledge me in any way. Although, I suppose its possible he might flip a coin in my hat some day, as I play my harmonica for tips on a corner in downtown Medina.

2. This next one is tough. But its not so tough as looking at that savings account of mine. So I think I can do it. I mean I'm uniquely prepared by my financial situation to look honestly at my self... Here we go... Okay, to quote the famous choo choo train: "I think I can... I think I can..."

Sorry Scarlet, I'm over you

Scarlet, it's over between us. Yes I know it never really began. But I was quite confident over the years that you and I would some day make beautiful music together. Unless this is going to happen on a street corner in Medina Washington (and why not?) we're through. I know its nowhere near as difficult for you as it is for me. Nevertheless, I am a better man for honestly admitting that you are beyond my humble means. Goodbye. Good luck. Good riddance!

--With no small amount of bitterness about the way it all turned out

--Me

Okay, well that's two pipe dreams gone forever. Enough, I think, for one day. Hoping to get to the other 37 in the next few days...

Anyway, now its time to reflect. To take a deep breath. To glory in my new found sense of honest reflection... and, beyond everything else, to log out and go get a job!